The Rules of Relaxication

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For the past 14 years, Amanda and I have gone on a trip over New Years. We call them “relaxications,” because they’re distinctly not vacations. On a vacation, you create an itinerary, make dinner reservations, and maximize each and every day for fun, cherished memories. And Instagram likes. After all, can a vacation even be “fun” if strangers online aren’t commenting on everything you see and eat? The answer, of course, is no.

A relaxication is when we leave town for a few days to do nothing but sleep in, watch dumb movies, take a swim, read a book, and whatever the heart desires in that moment. As long as it’s decidedly chill. No waiting in a long and stressful two hour queue with screaming babies and screaming parents to hop onto a seven minute “screamin’” roller coaster. On a relaxication, you must relaxicate.

The arch enemy of relaxication is work. We began the tradition because we ran our own business for eight years. Our small publishing house was constant work for us. A never-ending flow of deadlines, book balancing, and emails. Dear lord, the emails. When you’re your own boss, it’s difficult to step away from the work. Who will do the thing that desperately needs to get done? You know, the thing that’ll end the whole business if you don’t do it right this second? So we try our very best to stay off our phones and quiet all notifications during relaxication, to avoid the chirpy song of the email sirens, beckoning us with the seductive allure of Inbox Zero.

It’s been many years since we sunsetted our publishing operations, but Amanda and I still go on yearly relaxications. Only this year in Ojai, there would be… a very non-relaxing problem! (Gasp!) Amanda was tapped out on PTO at her current gig, due to us taking two long vay-cations during the year. They were very fun, but definitely not relaxing. One was kind of a work-cation, because I gave a presentation at Narrascope and the lead-up to it was very stressful.

Amanda’s office doesn’t shut down the week between Christmas and New Years. So she would be on-call during relaxication and would have to… gasp… write emails in the hotel. By the way, here’s a hill I’ll die on: All offices that can shut down between Christmas and New Years should shut down between Christmas and New Years. Sure, emergency hotlines have to stay open in case we drink poison eggnog or something. But I would wager that at the vast majority of offices, nothing gets done during that week. Keeping the office technically open is just a shifty way to gobble up employee PTO, because who wants to be sitting at their desk in a dead quiet office wishing they could be cozy by the fire with their beloved? (Their beloved being the Switch 2.)

At first, I panicked, but you don’t want to go into relaxication in a panic. Panicking is the least relaxing thing you can do! I decided I would valiantly help her by doing what I call “sympathy work.” If Amanda was being forced by the cruel mistress of capitalism to write emails, I would also type something into my laptop, too, so she wouldn’t feel bad about not reading or swimming with me.

But what to type? I cleared my indie project slate a month ago. There was only one project I was anticipating to begin 2024 with: a hotel management simulator based on The Cocoanuts, the Marx Bros. first movie, for the public domain jam. The jam would start on January 1st, which was still a few days away when relaxication began. It’s improper jam etiquette to begin a jam before the starting date.

So I figured out a workaround. I wouldn’t work on Hotel de Cocoanut on relaxication. I’d start writing a game called Wacky Hotel, which just so happened to be a hotel management simulator. If I decided later to reskin my entirely unrelated game Wacky Hotel as Hotel de Cocoanut, the reskin effort would be for the jam.

“Hey Geoffrey! What’s with all the rule-breaking? No work on relaxication. No working on a jam before the start date. You some kind of lawless anarchist or something? Also, who am I supposed to be asking this question? Am I the a reader? Your inner-voice? A g-g-ghost?”

Thanks for the question, who/whatever you are. I’m just trying to go with the flow this year. Do what feels right in the moment. I’d rather my partner feel supported than abide by rules we made up for ourselves over a decade ago. I’d rather be a little cheeky with the rules of a game jam I’m doing for fun, than pantomime writing on my laptop. Also, you know who wouldn’t care about breaking rules and social taboos? The Marx Brothers! At no point does Harpo debate with himself about whether or not it’s right to eat a phone. He eats a phone because that’s what works for Harpo in the moment. Also, the hotel had, what, a chocolate phone? I’m glad Harpo ate it before it melted in the Florida heat. Hero!

Amanda and I had fun on relaxication this year. We watched the bonkers 80s sexploitation comedy Hollywood Hot Tubs. We went to a honey tasting and learned that honey tastes radically different depending on which flowers the bees are pollinating. (The stuff we get in supermarkets is a mixture of honey from many different farms put together to get the color consumers prefer with little regard for taste.) I came away from the trip with a working, though rudimentary proof-of-concept prototype for Wacky Hotel, made in Ink.

The biggest hamper on our good times wasn’t email, but illness. Both of us struggled with lingering Christmas Coughs. (“Ho Ho Hyaaak!”) Amanda’s cough got pretty bad, but I was there to fetch water, tea, and medicine, and scratch her back. I made a promise, “in sickness and in health.” That’s one rule I’ll never break.

🎲 Your Turn: Have you ever broken the rules? Either rules you set for yourself or ones set by The Man? Reply to this email to tell me about your lawlessness, or tell the whole world by hitting the orange button below. And keep it light. No murder confessions, please!

Image by jcomp on Freepik

Geoffrey Golden is a narrative designer, game creator, and interactive fiction author from Los Angeles. He’s written for Ubisoft, Disney, Gearbox, and indie studios around the world.

3 responses to “The Rules of Relaxication”

  1. Setting aside things most people who grew up with the Internet have done at least once(internet piracy, accessing adult media as a minor, accessing stuff one shouldn’t from a school computer, etc.) I’ve done such rule breaking as:

    Setting up a Windows/Linux dual boot on a school computer. Specifically, the computer that was in the student lounge of my Highschool’s dorms. Got a chewing out for this one, and the computer was removed for weeks while the school’s tech people dragged their feet on putting it back to just Windows.

    Burning boot leg DVDs that will play in a standard DVD player for my dorm mates(they figured out the downloading and knew how to burn mp3s to CD, but this was 20 years ago, video conversion was a fairly involved process and dual layer DVD+Rs weren’t common(so even copying a DVD required either down sampling or spliting the content… Also had my DVD burner connected to the dorm computer… As far as I know, no one ever got in trouble for anything related to this, but I think that was simply becauseno one knew what we were doing on that computer.

    Ordering Pizza delivery to the dorm. Got chewed out, but still got to eat my pizza, and totally worth it given the school dining hall, while better than stereotypical cafeteria food by miles, limited students to what I considered starvation portions(their idea of a sandwich was 1 thin slice of deli meat and 1 then slice of cheese between two slices of loaf bread, their burgers where like what you get in a fast food kid’s meal with none of the veggies, and you could only get two entrees per meal, and since it was a boarding school, Ihad to deal with that from breakfast on Monday through Lunch on Friday… thankfully we went home every weekend…

    Most of the rule breaking I’ve done that stands out in my mind was in highschool since that’s the most restrictive environment I’ve ever been in. Probably broken other rules and laws without knowing it though(I know they say ignorance is no excuse, but one of the failings of our legal system is that laws are so darn convoluted not even the legislators know half of what’s in the laws they are approving and we prop up an entire priesthood of people who offer no real value to society, yet have infiltrated the legislative and judicial processes to the point normal people have no option but to defer to them and even they are useless outside their area of expertise. As far as I’m concerned, if an average fifth grader can’t read a law and understand it, the language used is objectively too complicated for something that is supposed to be binding to the general population, and if they can’t read it aloud without taking a break, than it’s objectively too long.

    Outside of a school setting, the big one is knowing several people who regularly do cannabis and finding the notion of reporting them morally repugnant while living in a state where the stuff is still illegal. Granted, I’m a hardline anti-prohibitionist and strongly believe a properly regulated legal market can better address the harms of recreational drugs than forcing things into the black market where basic product labeling, safety guidelines, and consistency of product are de-incentivized.

    Oh, and I’ve probably sung off key at some point(Singing off key being illegal in my home state being the bit of silly law trivia that is forever burned into my brain.

    1. I like that a lot of these fall under the category of helping friends (burning DVDs, pizza delivery). Power to the people!

      High school is when I did the most rule breaking, too. I definitely skipped class to hang out at Wendy’s, and speaking of dorky tech rule breaking, I helped make the home page on every browser in the computer lab “The Hamster Dance,” a prank that perfectly dates me.

      The law about singing off-key is wild! I’m just imagining North Carolina police raiding karaoke bars and arresting all the patrons.

      1. I wouldn’t call most of the people I burned DVDs for friends, and I only ordered enough pizza for myself if memory serves, but even back then I saw through the pro-capitalism, anti-socialism anti-communism, America is the Greatest propaganda that was being pushed in the social sciences I was required to take and knew competition just grinds everyone who isn’t superlative down and that cooperation lets people build greater than what anyone person can do alone. Did turn down the opportunity to join the school’s independant living program my senior year(there were 5 students who qualified, but only 4 slots and students in the program had much fewer restrictions than students living in the dorms including the option to cook their own supper instead of having to go to the dining hall… And to illustrate just how bad dorm life at that school was, we joked that the dorms were cell blocks and one of my friends moved in with her overbearing grandmother after less than a month in the dorms when the school tightened up the requirements for how close to campus you had to live to be allowed to go home everyday.

        Oh, did I mention that despite the 10-10:30 bedtime enforced in the dorms for the 13-21 boys, I played my GBASP until midnight most nights during the last few years of highschool?

        My teen years are also when I started rejecting the Christianity my parents raised me on(Teen me couldn’t except the idea of a belief system that condemns at least 2/3 of humanity, no matter how good they are as people, for having different beliefs).

        I imagine the off key singing law was never well-enforced… and I don’t know when it was passed or if it was evr repealed, though there’s an idea for a dystopic comedy: a series where the silliest laws that have ever been made in real life are taken seriously by law enforcement.

        I also remain silent with hands at my side on the rare occasions I find myself among a group reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and even went so far as to rewrite the pledge to be more in-line with my own beliefs:

        I pledge allegiance to the whole of humanity and to the world in which we live, one people, under the heavens, indivisible, with liberty and equality for all.

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